Cat Caught Your Tongue?
by InsaneChickOfWriting
Summary: Annoyed by Church's actions, Jace hands off the large feline to Alec for keeping. Church is not pleased with this change, nor is he happy that there's another cat in the house. With magical substances all around and cats chasing each other, what could go wrong? Au-ish, with quite a bit of Malec. Human cats.
1. Chapter 1

Church was not pleased in the least. He was a very proud member of the Institute and he would always remain that way. The fact that Jace had handed him off to Alec for some ridiculous reason, that he had been taken from his rightful place as ruler of the Institute and shoved into such an ostentatious apartment with an even more obnoxious looking warlock only added salt to his wounded pride. He leaped onto a bar counter conveniently place in pretty much the center of the rather small space he now found himself in to survey his new domain. He growled at the size, although this may have been large as a home, he was used to the Institute and it's labyrinth of rooms and hallways. He stiffened as he spotted a ridiculously tiny feline shoot in from outside the door. He glared imperiously at the small white fluff blur, then stuck his nose in the air and curled up. His eyes shot open once more as he felt a small bundle of warmth press to his side.

"See Magnus, I told you this wouldn't be a problem, they're cuddled up nicely together. It's adorable, really." Church stared, unable to comprehend that this thing just curled up on him and that his stupid Shadowhunter thought they were _cute _together. Surely the world must have come to a complete halt?

"Alec, darling, are you paying attention to him? Your cat is going to eat mine, he's giving him a look!" The glittering warlock scooped up the fuzz ball and cooed at him ridiculously. "Don't worry Chairman Meow, I won't let that big grumpy cat get you." Church hissed and snapped at the pair, and Magnus quickly decided his cat would stay in their room.

Several days later, after various failed attempts at having sex, Magnus told Chairman Meow he was going to have to suck it up and kicked him out of the bedroom. Church lazily watched with one golden eye open, mirth radiating from him. He watched the small cat huddle down and slowly got up, stalking over to him. Chairman Meow's very blue eyes widened comically before he went streaking across the room and into another, Church quickly giving chase. They leaped up onto the table, knocking a container over in the process. The lavender fluid it had contained spread across the table and down the floor, and as the cats sped around the room, they slipped in it and found themselves stuck. The two felines bit at the viscous substance to no avail, and soon after found themselves passed out.

* * *

Church blearily opened his eyes and looked around at his oddly downsized surroundings. He blinked in confusion, then turned to look at the small white cat that had been stuck with him. Instead, he was met with a rather short naked human, pale skin sticky with the liquid they were laying in. His fluffy snow white hair was disheveled and covered in it as well. Before Church had a chance to really ponder who this human was or why he didn't look bigger than him, bright cobalt blue eyes opened and darted about before settling on him. His eyes widened and he looked down at himself and made a noise of distress. He reached up a hand to his head to brush aside his messy hair and flatten it down. Church was surprised to see that what he thought was just an odd shape of hair was actually a set of cat ears and he watched as the pale boy craned his neck to check behind him. He sighed in relief then turned to Church once more.

"I know you aren't very fond of me, but if you could maybe not chase me around for now, it would be much appreciated." He had a bit of high voice, Church noted, but it wasn't obnoxious. "I really shouldn't have bolted in here, this is Magnus's work space, and there's all sorts of things in here, and now we've gotten affected by it. We're going to have to find clothes and try to deal with this later. Baths definitely, this stuff is so sticky! I want to see what I look like too! I hope I'm rather cute like I was before." He giggled and Church just stared, trying to wrap his head around what was going on. "After all, you look rather nice. All grey and brooding, but very handsome. C'mon sit up, we need to get cleaned off and explain to Magnus and Alec what happened. Ah he's going to be so mad!" Church just looked at his hands, wondering whether he would like this change or not, not noticing Chairman Meow slipping away.

* * *

"Alec, he's not outside the door." Magnus looked back at his boyfriend accusingly. Alec sighed, and got up to join him.

"Magnus, Church did not-Magnus what the hell is a naked guy doing in your apartment?"

"Alec, we just-What the fuck?" Magnus strode over to the white haired boy. "Who are you and how did you get in here?"

"Uh, well see, Church was chasing me and we went into your work room, and we knocked over some purple liquid, then we slipped in it, and now we're like this..." Magnus stared at him for a moment before sighing.

"Don't worry darling, it's just our cat. Church is probably still in my work room in the same state." He turned back to the Chairman. "As for you, go wash off. You know how things work, go do it. I'll have some clothes for you in a spare bedroom. Tell Church. Alec and I are going out, I need a drink." He turned and walked back into his bedroom, pulling Alec in and firmly shut and locked the door.

* * *

**A/N: I really don't know. I was reading the Infernal Devices, saw Church was in it and was like WHAT, and then decided for some strange reason, to see if someone had written fanfiction about it. No such luck. However I did notice there was Church and Chairman Meow fanfiction. And none of them seemed to involve the two as humans. So I decided to write it. /shot**


	2. Chapter 2

Church sat next to the seemingly bottomless container of clothes, ear twitching in annoyance while the idiot beside him rifled through clothes, wanting to play dress up. He had found a loose pair of jeans and shirt, but with the way Chairman Meow had gone on about how plain it was and how he needed to change, and really he just wouldn't shut up, he had agreed to play with him. So now he was here, Alec and Magnus still out, no one to save him from the annoyance. He was launched out of his thoughts by a pair of leather pants landing on his face. He growled in response, glaring at the giggling cat still digging through the clothes.

"I really should have just eaten you, you were small enough." He sighed and stared at the pants. They looked entirely too tight and not at all comfortable, and looked to be something Magnus would wear.

"You said you would dress up! Now put it on!" Chairman Meow looked at him with a stern expression, then went back to searching the box. "There's all sorts of things in here, Magnus has lived such a long time, and he's collected pretty much every article of clothing possible!" Church grimaced, but at the other cat's look, stripped out of his clothes and put on the leather pants. He was surprised to find it wasn't all that uncomfortable, and as he poked a hole through the material for his tail, he guessed he wouldn't complain too much about wearing it.

"What are you, a kitten? That's what I'll call you from now on, until you start acting like a cat." The Chairman glared and threw a bundle of clothes in his face once again.

"Put those on, I'm gonna look for something that _isn't _a dress to try to fit the scene! Or maybe I'll just find something else..." Church stared at him for a moment, holding up an eye patch, an antiquated ruffled shirt and leather vest in his lap. "Yes you have to put the eye patch on too! I think the pirate look will suit you Church! With all that pretty grey hair... Plus you're so broad and such. The ideal swash buckling pirate, ready to sweep some damsel off her feet! Or some boy." He batted his eyes, laughing slightly at Church's disgruntled look. "I suppose watching Pirates of the Caribbean with Magnus wasn't a good idea?" Church rolled his eyes and finished dressing, deciding to placate the other. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the bed, drifting off while waiting for Chairman Meow to finish.

Chairman Meow looked at Church, sighing slightly. He wondered whether or not he could get the other to like him, he was very attracted to the older cat. He supposed with the sudden change into humans he had a better chance at this, with the sudden influx and all. He wasn't sure if he had an advantage over the other or not, he was always in and out, and knew all sorts of things human or otherwise, but Church was also a lot older than him. He'd just have to take advantage of the hormones then. He dug through the clothes once more, thanking Magnus's ability to be quite outlandish no matter what the era. He pulled out a maroon shirt with rips in it, held together by thick strands of black thread and safety pins. It most certainly didn't belong in the same era as Church's clothes did, but it held a better chance at seducing him. Although maybe Church would appreciate something more practical? Chairman Meow shook his head, deciding on the slightly revealing shirt and dug through the box to find a nice pair of black denim short shorts. He quickly put them on quickly and not wanting to wake Church, he carefully slid beside him, clinging to his side.

* * *

When Church came to, it took a moment to recall all the events that had happened. He stretched slightly, startled when he realized that there was a warmth cuddled up at his side. He glanced down, surprised to see the energetic boy asleep. He rolled his eyes at the other's attire and ruffled his hair. As annoying as he was, his enthusiasm was kind of endearing. The other boy shifted in his sleep, nuzzling his side affectionately. Church sighed, pulling the smaller cat into his lap. He reached back onto the bed as the smaller boy shivered, pulling a blanket off the bed and around the two of them.

"Stupid kitten. You're trying to get my attention aren't you... How cute." He pulled him closer and nipped his ear in warning. Chairman Meow let out a quiet moan, startling the older male. The Chairman nestled into Church's warmth, his eyes fluttering open.

"Church...?" He rubbed at his eye and yawned, then jerked upwards, startled. "Church! How did I-?"

"I pulled you onto my lap obviously. You really shouldn't fall asleep in that. You've lived here longer than I have, you should know Magnus likes to keep the temperature low so Alec will get closer to him. Really kitten, one would think with the way you're dressed, that you were trying to get someone's attention." He smirked down at the lightly blushing boy in his lap.

"Is there any problem with that? Magnus always says I'm an attention whore. I just want yours now, that's all." He wrapped his arms around Church's neck, pressing against him. Church was slightly impressed with how quickly the other rebounded. "Church...pet me?"

"You are ridiculous." He pushed Chairman Meow off his lap, completely annoyed. "Really, this act is starting to get on my nerves. Act normal why don't you?"

The smaller boy glared at him, a little hurt at being brushed off so easily. "What's wrong with wanting your attention?"

Church sighed and shook his head. While the other was rather cute when sleeping, he was rather annoying when he was awake. However, he could tell by the other's look he was serious about wanting his attention, and just like that most of his annoyance vanished. "Kitten...calm down. Tone it down a few notches."

"Tone it down? I'm still young thanks, why don't you take it up a few notches?" Despite the protest, he did quiet down, moving close and laying his head on Church's leg.

"Get off for a moment. It's been a very...taxing day. We should change into more appropriate attire for bed, then go to sleep for real." Chairman Meow grumbled, but moved, allowing Church to get up and search the clothes box. He was proud to see some of Alec's sensibility leaked into the more recent clothing. He pulled out a very loose pair of sleeping pants and shrugged. He quickly stripped and put on the pants, tying the drawstrings to fit him. He crouched down and rifled through the box once more, finding a large sweater, one that would probably fit the Chairman like a dress. He threw it at the other boy. "Put that on. Then we can sleep."

Chairman Meow looked at him oddly. "Just a huge sweater? Wait, we? Are we going to sleep together?" At Church's nod, the other was out of his clothes and into the sweater in a flash. "Alright I'm ready!" He jumped onto the bed and quickly burrowed under the covers. "C'mon, time to sleep!" He grinned and patted the spot next to him, the other simply shook his head and sighed, but complied, slipping in next to him. Chairman Meow quickly sidled up to his side and clung to his arm, looking up at him and smiling. "Good night Church." He leaned up and pecked his cheek, then rolled over and pressed his back to him. Church rolled his eyes, but followed suit, wrapping an arm around his waist and falling asleep.

* * *

When Alec and Magnus finally returned home, they were greeted with silence. "Oh my God, I shouldn't have left my baby here with your cat, what if he's _dead_!"

Alec rolled his eyes at his boyfriend's melodrama. "Magnus, Church did not _kill_ your cat. Calm down." Magnus pouted and opened his mouth to respond, but Alec beat him to it. "Look, we'll go check on them to put your mind at ease. Then I'm forcing you into bed and we are _sleeping_." He tugged the warlock into various rooms before they found the right one. The two stood there, slightly in shock. Chairman Meow was clinging to the older cat; Church had him clutched to his chest, their legs intertwined.

"Well...we should follow their example. I wouldn't mind you wrapped around me with you clinging to me." Magnus smirked at his lover, kissing his cheek.

He blushed lightly, then smiled. "I guess it's destiny huh? Even our cats are on their way to being together." He looked up at the warlock and pecked him lightly. "Let's go to bed now." They walked out of the room and into their own, Magnus shedding his clothes along the way. They slid into the bed, their bodies twining together in a much more intimate way than their cats, and fell asleep.

* * *

**A/N: This is entirely too much fun to write. I really have no idea why, but when I first thought of Church, he had a pirate like look. The idea really wouldn't leave me alone, so I used Chairman Meow as an excuse. I figured he was sensible and all, but he really couldn't be bothered to change or argue against it, so if Chairman Meow liked the look, it would stick. So hence, the dress up. Obviously since Chairman Meow is Magnus's cat, he likes to dress up too. As long as it's fun he doesn't care what's going on. I would say don't expect an update, but I really am having fun writing this, so it might just be updated quickly. As for plot, I've got practically no idea what I'm doing, so bear with me! I hope everyone enjoyed! :)**


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